Deadbeat Clients

Listening to: NFL Football (Patriots vs Dolphins)
Writing This: In my living room
Weather: windy

During this Christmas season I have attended a couple of holiday parties thrown by folks in the television industry. One of the biggest topics of discussion, whenever a bunch of freelancers get together, is billing and deadbeat clients. Let me share my three horror stories (I will remove enough details that I won’t get sued)

-1- Shooting a DOC series. Client was always great about paying on the day (hell yeah!) but one day he says he forgot his checkbook. No sweat, based on his past record he's good for it. I invoice via email and the next day he calls with a dispute about the hours. He claims I should only have billed for a half day (call was at 2 pm, event started at 7 pm and wrapped at 11 pm) note: I bill a half day up to 5 hours, a full day after 5 to 10 hours and OT after that and only if it has been pre-arranged as a half day first. His claim was that we only ~met~ at 2 the call wasn't at 2 but rather at 7... Hmmm well, maybe it was a mis-communication. I agree to modify the invoice and re-send it. Days pass... 30 days, no check. 40 days, I call, no answer, no check. 50 days, I call, I email, no answer, no reply, no check. Finally 55 days later he calls and books another shoot day (balls, huh?) I say "no problem but I have to be paid for the last gig first and this gig is COD. I don't take the gear out of the car without 2 checks." He hems and haws but finally agrees. I arrive and he immediately asks me to start helping unload lighting equipment out of his truck. I shake my head and hold out my hand. He grunts and writes out two checks. (remember that this was the guy who had paid on the day at least a dozen times before) We do the interview, it’s a fairly simple gig, and I leave, but because of the history I run to the bank and deposit the checks. Sure enough, the next day he calls me complaining about the sound, it's cutting in and out, it’s unusable, he wants a refund. Suspecting something I ask to hear the tape as I always monitor the return feed and if there was a problem I would have heard it. He delays and puts up roadblocks to me getting to him. I even offer to bring a deck and monitor to wherever he is, whenever. Somehow he decides to decline. Eventually he lets it slip that it sounds bad when he injests it via firewire but OK when he plays it on his camera. Aha! The problem is in his camera (ends up being mis-aligned heads) not my fault - no refund. I never did another gig for him and he left the country soon after never to return (we can only hope)

-2- Worked for a well known production company here in Toronto. They did LOTS of production. I was warned when I started that they had a reputation for late payment but I was just starting out in the biz and needed ay client I could get. At the beginning everything went fine. I was paid on schedule and sometimes early. Then the checks gradually started coming later and later until finally they stopped coming altogether. Called the Accounts Payable Dept. "Oh yes, we've misplaced your invoice. Can you re-send it?" (Did, no check). Called again "Well, we have an issue with the overtime you claimed." (Can't see how that's possible... I didn't claim any overtime on that invoice... Did you want me to add some? No check) Called again "Oh, maybe that was someone else." (Right, no check). Called again "The guy who signs the checks is on vacation" (Probably with MY money. You guessed it... no check) Finally 120 days later (yes, you read that right, 120 days later I called and said that I was filing a Small Claims action against them and was heading down to the court right now but as luck would have it I would pass right by their office on the way (true) and would drop in one last time for a grand total of 30 seconds. If I didn't have a check in my hand after that time I would head up the street and file suit. I arrived and found the door blocked open with a sandbag (this in a security building) and absolutely nobody there! Propped on the reception desk was an envelope with my name on it and a check inside. I yelled "Thank you!" to the empty office and left. Yes the check cashed but they declared bankruptcy not long after. I think I was one of the last guys paid actual money. This was the place where a shooter once walked into the accountants office and demanded payment by threatening to unplug his computer (with all the accounting data inside) right off his desk, take it down the street and pawn it if he didn't get paid (and I know this guy, he would have done it!)

-3- I was booked for two night-shoots on a Thursday and Friday (call times around 7 pm ish...). Wednesday afternoon at 4 pm the guy calls and cancels Friday. OK, it's 51 hours to a 7 pm call. My cancellation policy is clearly stated on my website ( http://www.todio.ca by the way) as: "48 hours to call 50%, 24 hours to call 100%". Tough luck for me, although I had turned down work on that day. The kicker is that on Thursday afternoon he calls and 're-schedules' that evening to the next Thursday. I agree to waive the cancellation fee cause I'm such a nice guy (translation: 'sucker') as long as the shoot is a 'Go'.

Next Tuesday rolls around and he cancels the shoot altogether. I bill for one cancelled day (the original Thursday) and he balks at paying, for FOUR MONTHS. His claim is that I agreed to waive the cancellation fee if he re-booked which he feels he did. He further claims he doesn't owe me a cancellation fee for the second booking because he cancelled outside my 48 hour window.

Cute.

What to do? I could sue him in Small Claims but that could take up to another 6 months. The amount is not really big enough ($500) to send to a billing company who will eat up 75% or so... I'm just not mean enough to report him to the BBB...

Decided to try again with this email:

“Dear Producer:
Please see to this invoice immediately as it is seriously overdue. I think I was more than fair to you and to XYZ Television in only billing you for one cancelled day instead of both days. I think it is time you were fair to me and paid for the cancelled day.

I have left numerous phone messages and emails which have been completely ignored. If this is not paid I will have no other choice than to take this to Small Claims Court with all the attendant hassle and embarrassment that would cause you and XYZ Television not to mention the additional financial impact as I will also be asking for court costs and reasonable interest.

Attached is a reminder invoice for your records.

I trust you will do the right thing and we can put this behind us.”

He sent an email back:

“The cheque will be mailed to you this week for sure. Just so you are aware, I am taking the full hit on this, even though the client cancelled at the last minute and refuses to pay for any cancellation charges. I wish you had of initially told me that you had another booking, as I would have possibly hired someone else. I guess we always learn something don't we!

Thanks.

Best Regards, Producer”

Well boo frickedy hoo! His client stiffed him. Now he knows how it feels.

Even after that message the check didn’t come. I sent him a final email saying

“Dear Producer:

You said, on DATE, that the check would be mailed that week "for sure". As of today, DATE (2 weeks later), I have not received it. I can only assume that you are not intending on paying. I, therefore, have no other option but to seek this money in Small Claims Court. However, in a final effort to be reasonable and to avoid putting you through this action and the additional liability as I will also be asking for interest and court costs, I am prepared to visit your location, XXX on Monday, around noon. If this is the incorrect address please let me know. Please have the check ready for my pickup at that time or I am prepared to immediately go and file a Small Claim action.”

For the record, the client DID pay up a day or so later so my record is still 100%. Sure he's not likely to call me again but I don't care as he wasn't even on my radar as a client. I'd only worked for him twice in the past 4 years. No great loss, just one name off the Christmas card list

I sent him a thank you email stating that I stood ready to support him in his efforts to recover money from his deadbeat client.

3 almost-deadbeats in 22 years. Not a bad track record huh?

I was sad that I had no shoes until I met these guys

Listening to: Christmas Carols on the Muzak
Writing This: In a Tim Horton’s
Weather: Grey and wet

Got an early Christmas present. I had the good fortune to spend the past week shooting interviews for “Sledheads” a documentary about the Canadian Men’s National sledge hockey team.

Here’s a sample (I really should learn how to embed this stuff… maybe in another life) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YDE2pVXyQw

To say this was a humbling experience would be an understatement. These men have overcome all the hardships associated with becoming an elite athlete (separation from family, trying to shoehorn training around a day-job, aches, pains and strains) but have the added difficulty of doing all that while dealing with their various mobility disabilities as well. Getting around in wheelchairs (wheelies) or amputations (amps) is difficult at best but winter must be particularly difficult (imagine wheeling a chair through a snow drift or ankle deep slush). Throughout the interviews, though, I never heard one word of complaint about the disability. These guys just put their collective noses to the grindstone and do what it takes to get the job done and met every challenge with a stoicism and sense of humour that I am not sure I could muster were I in their shoes (or chairs or legs). Each and every one of them better men than me for how they deal with the daily challenges and casual humiliations in their lives. The story of their recent road trip to Norway ought to be required reading for any frequent traveler who grumbles about getting on and off planes.

Here it is: http://www.gabrielfilmsnorth.com/iWeb/Sledhead/Blog/05DB28A3-62EB-4AA6-823F-20D0267AEFB3.html

We should all count our lucky stars that we can walk onto any plane in the world under our own steam (not to mention going to the ‘little room’ at the back of the plane).

The games are hard & violent but some of the best hockey you will ever get to see. I am looking forward to seeing how they do in the upcoming World Championships in Boston this March and the 2010 Olympics in Whistler.

Thanks Greg, Rosie, Billy, Todd, Herve and Jean for giving me one more reason to be grateful every morning that my legs still work and for showing me that even if they didn’t that life would still go on.

Grey Cup, Moving and Goodbye

Listening to: We Will Rock You - Queen
Writing This: quickly
Weather: Cold

Spent most of last week and all of last weekend at the Grey Cup festival in Toronto (NO I am not one of those face-painted uber-fans who go around yelling "RIDER PRIDE" and "GO BOMBERS" at the top of their lungs at all hours of the day and night (I was part of the crew interviewing said louts).

For a video sample go to http://www.nissan.ca/en/general/cfl%5Fpromo/rogue_revealed/

I was working for Nissan gathering "Rogue-ish moments" from festival goers. The people with the best stories were invited to become contestants for a game show and win Weber BBQs, CFL swag or a Campbell's Chunky soup gift bucket.

What struck me was the camaraderie among the fans. Everyone seemed to be having a good time no matter what team they supported. Fans were in evidence proudly sporting jerseys from all 8 CFL teams (and even defunct teams like the Baltimore Stallions). There was even a cheerleading squad from the Atlantic Schooners. Never heard of them? That's because they don't exist. They have cheerleaders and no team! (now THAT'S Canadian...) I wonder if it's the same atmosphere at the festivities surrounding the Superbowl? Do Cowboys fans sit down to beers with CheeseHeads? Do the Lions lie down with the Rams? If their teams were the opposing teams in the game? I somehow doubt it. And don't even mention European football (AKA soccer). At the World Cup, opposing fans are kept on opposite sides of the city for fear that there will be riots (at best) or knifings or worse. English fans are routinely denied admission to countries hosting World Cup events because of their reputation for hooliganism. Can you imagine that happening in Canada? Barring those rowdy Edmonton Eskimo fans? Wouldn't happen.

This weekend I am moving my daughter, Meaghan, and her family to Ottawa from Toronto. This will be the third move in just over one month. Chrystal left for BC at the beginning of the month, Craig changed apartments in the middle of the month and now Meaghan. I'm thinking of opening a moving business and actually getting paid for this (kidding). I do have lots of experience moving however... My family moved around an awful lot when I was younger. My mother and I sat down once and figured out that I had gone to 12 schools in 12 years (one year 3 schools!)

My family's philosophy on moving seemed to be "do it early and do it often". We had a strategy on moving objects. If we hadn't seen it or physically touched it in 6 months then out it went in a big yard sale. We were each given a big box that we could stuff with whatever personal possessions we wanted to keep and then everything else was fair game to be disposed of. It has had the effect of giving me a very shallow attachment to material things (they could all be disposed of at a moments notice) but also, sadly, a very shallow attachment to people.

I don’t like goodbyes (at least not long ones) I much prefer to say a quick “Goodbye” then off I go. Some folks say very elaborate good bye’s when going to the bathroom!

So…Goodbye

The Grey Cup and moving day

Listening to: We Will Rock You - Queen
Writing This: quickly
Weather: Cold

Spent most of last week and all of last weekend at the Grey Cup festival in Toronto (NO I am not one of those face-painted uber-fans who go around yelling "RIDER PRIDE" and "GO BOMBERS" at the top of their lungs at all hours of the day and night (I was part of the crew interviewing said louts).

For a video sample go to http://www.nissan.ca/en/general/cfl%5Fpromo/rogue_revealed/

I was working for Nissan gathering "Rogue-ish moments" from festival goers. The people with the best stories were invited to become contestants for a game show and win Weber BBQs, CFL swag or a Campbell's Chunky soup gift bucket.

What struck me was the camaraderie among the fans. Everyone seemed to be having a good time no matter what team they supported. Fans were in evidence proudly sporting jerseys from all 8 CFL teams (and even defunct teams like the Baltimore Stallions). There was even a cheerleading squad from the Atlantic Schooners. Never heard of them? That's because they don't exist. They have cheerleaders and no team! (now THAT'S Canadian...) I wonder if it's the same atmosphere at the festivities surrounding the Superbowl? Do Cowboys fans sit down to beers with CheeseHeads? Do the Lions lie down with the Rams? If their teams were the opposing teams in the game? I somehow doubt it. And don't even mention European football (AKA soccer). At the World Cup, opposing fans are kept on opposite sides of the city for fear that there will be riots (at best) or knifings or worse. English fans are routinely denied admission to countries hosting World Cup events because of their reputation for hooliganism. Can you imagine that happening in Canada? Barring those rowdy Edmonton Eskimo fans? Wouldn't happen.

This weekend I am moving my daughter, Meaghan, and her family to Ottawa from Toronto. This will be the third move in just over one month. Chrystal left for BC at the beginning of the month, Craig changed apartments in the middle of the month and now Meaghan. I'm thinking of opening a moving business and actually getting paid for this (kidding). I do have lots of experience moving however... My family moved around an aeful lot when I was younger. My mother and I sat down once and figured out that I had gone to 12 schools in 12 years (one year 3 schools!)

My family's philosophy on moving seemed to be "do it often". We had a strategy on moving. If we hadn't seen it or physically touched it in 6 months then out it went in a big yard sale. We were each given a big box which we could stuff with whatever possessions we wanted to keep and then everything else was liable to be disposed of. It has had the effect of giving me a very shallow attachment to material things (they could all be disposed of at a moments notice) but has also allowed me to easily make acquaintances. I didn't (and still don't) make deep friends, probably because I could be moving again in a few months but I have acquaintac

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most...

Listening to: Vacation - The Go-Gos
Writing this: In my cousin Andrew's basement
Weather: Sunny

Ok so this story is a little dated but I thought I'd post it anyway in case someone from the Tampa Hyatt reads these things. (fat chance)

Way back when I worked providing AV support to meetings and conferences I travelled to Tampa in April 1990 and was placed in the Hyatt Regency because the convention I was serving was there (Tupperware International). When I arrived I was informed that there was a mixup in the reservation and they didn't have me arriving until the following day and all rooms in my class were occupied. Not to worry though, when they realized their mistake they gave me a suite for the night (hell, yeah!) but told me that I would have to move to a standard room the next day (no problem!). I went about my business.

The next day I had off and it was my birthday so I decided to treat myself to a day at Disneyworld. I brought my bags down very early and checked out. Of course, my room wasn't ready yet. It was, after all, only about 6 am so they were probably still sleeping. No problem, I was told to leave my bags at the Bell Desk and they would bring them to the room when it was ready or I could retreive them when I got back. Off I went to see Mickey!

Upon my return I checked in with the Bell Desk with the little tag they gave me and was informed that my bags were not there. They told me that they must have already been moved to my room. No sweat, off I went. I got to the room and... NO BAGS! (uh, oh, Tampa, we have a problem...) I have nothing but a sunburn, the sweaty shorts on my butt and filthy strap t-shirt (with the chocolate ice cream stain) on my back and I have to look business-presentable at 1:00 the next day.

After frantic calls to the Front Desk and Security the hotel provided me with toiletries to get through the night and immediately initiated a search. After searching all the common areas of the hotel that night they informed me that they would begin a room-to-room search the next morning (by now it's after midnight and nobody's up to waking 1000+ guests...).

Search they did, and kept me in the loop with half-hourly updates of their progress.

When it became apparent around 11:30 the next morning that they might not be able to locate the bags in time for me to look spiffy by the appointed hour the Head of Security came to my room with $500 petty cash and personally drove me to a local Department store (Maas Brothers) where I quickly bought a shirt, tie, pants and such to get me through the day. (that's a story for another post, upon request)

By the end of the day we were all satisfied that they had searched the entire hotel (they even told me they used it as an opportunity to practice their 'lost child' scenario) and had not turned up the bags. In the effort they went as far as to telephone the airport baggage departments, the bus station and anyplace else they could think of.

Nada, zip, zilch, the big fat goose egg.

The Head of Security (and boy, how I wish I could remember his name) then sat down with me and helped me fill out the insurance claim form, going so far as to suggest and remind me of things I hadn't thought of (the BAG for instance... LOL)

This might have seemed a hellish experience and could well have been but let me tell you that the worst experience gets better when the people involved know their customer service. It happened, to be sure. The bags were missing and they didn't deny it (didn't even attempt to, especially since I still was in possession of the crumpled stub testifying to the fact) but they also didn't dwell on HOW it happened at the time, they just did everything they could to help (and made sure I could see that they were working on a solution. That may be the key... transparency.

I think it was Business guru Brandon Lee that said "Mess up, Fess up, Dress up"

In business (as in relationships and life in general) we're going to mess up. It's inevitable. The key is how we deal with it afterwards.

I found an explanation of this concept on the web in an article about PR in Alabama school systems (of all things) https://www.alsde.edu/other/PROS/Jan2003/Personal%20Web%20Page.htm

"Messing up is easy. That usually happens before you hear about it.

‘Fessing up is about getting ALL the bad news out as quickly as possible. Every piece of bad news you withhold in hopes it won’t become public is potential fodder for keeping a bad story alive for another news cycle. Each time the media pull a piece of information out of you that keeps the story alive you lose credibility. After a few such disclosures you’ll have no credibility and no control over the story.

Dressing up is about fixing the problem, making amends and taking steps to assure the rest of us it won’t happen again."

Let me try to summarize:
Mess Up - Gonna happen, believe it.
Fess Up - Immediately and completely admit what happened.
Dress Up - Go one step better to resolve the problem. (Give them more than they expected in the first place)

Tampa Hyatt's response to my issue (two issues really if you count the earlier reservation SNAFU) shows this philosophy in action. Have I been back? Sadly, I haven't had the opportunity but you can be sure that if I'm ever back in Tampa and need a hotel they'll be the first place I call.

And whatever became of the bags? No-one knows. They just, literally, dropped off the face of the earth. The only credible suspicion that anyone had was that they got mixed up with someone else's bags (in a departing bus tour for example), nobody knew what to do with them at the far end and they're still sitting in some lost luggage department somewhere in the US of A.

BTW, if anyone finds a dark suit bag with miscellaneous clothes that might have fit me 17 years ago can you let me know? A really old address and phone # was on the tag.

A guy can hope can't he?

The Odd Couple

Listening to: Killing in the name of - Rage Against The Machine
Writing this - in the same chair as last time
Weather - Cold, grey

OK so to start off one of the lyrics of this song is an angry repetition of "F@ck you, I won't do what you tell me" increasing in intensity and venom. This reminds me of my good friend Dave Gaudet who, on hearing this song deadpanned, "Wouldn't it be better if they just said, "No thank you, I'm not interested at this time."?"

Well it seemed funny at the time.

Went to see a performance of Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple" last night. I had forgotten how funny (and still relevant) this play was. Of course, the precipitating issue of divorce isn't as controversial nowadays as it was back in 1965 when this play was written. The play could have as easily been set up by a couple of college roommates being randomly assigned a dorm room and work as well but the central themes would remain:
-sometimes it's better to go crazy together than to go crazy apart,
-the power of friendship can overcome any adversity,
-opposites atract,
-sometimes you find your true soulmate in the oddest places.

The verbal comedy is, admittedly, pretty formulaic (is that a word?) and the jokes are a bit stale, the references are a bit dated but kudos to the director for not updating the references. Felix's anguish over $9.32 in roast for example is very dated (that would be a mouthful by today's prices...) It's the physcal comedy that really makes the show. Both Oscar and Felix, when done right, are collections of mannerisms and tics that complement each other and bounce off each other like a fine game of handball and the two actors handled the material very well, especially for a local community theatre group.

A fine evening out.

It got me to thinking though about marriage and separation and divorce. Why is it that couples stick with it when it is painfully obvious that it's broken? Is it ego? Stubbornness? "I'm not gonna give up after 10, 12, 15 whatever years invested in it even though there's probably no chance of making it better." Making divorce very easy wouldn't necessarily be a solution otherwise couples would split over who squeezes the toothpaste in which way. Perhaps the solution might be a 'business model' Make civil marriage a one-year contract with option to renew. Each anniversary the couple sits down and decides to (a) continue, (b) continue with modifications or (c) end it. Make the terms clear up front. Perhaps the state could determine terms in the absence of a formal written agreement (like a probate court imposes a will on a person who dies intestate which, I guess pretty much describes it seeing as how a divorce is the death of the legal entity called the married couple...) Simple rules like: Parties are allowed 30 days to agree which assets belong de facto to one party or the other. Anything the parties cannot agree to will automatically be deemed 'community property'. All community property is liquidated at auction and all monies are used to pay off joint debts with the remainder split equally. It doesn't deal with the emotions but in my experience the emotions deal with themselves in short order, it's the financial stuff that people seem to argue and fuss about out of all proportion to their importance. With the financial shit out of the way the two are free to go their separate ways.

Kids throw a wrench in the works (but when don't they...?)

My Utopian vision.

First blog post

Listening to: The Wall
Writing this: in my living room in a comfy chair
Weather: Rainy

OK, so here it is, my first blog post. I've always thought that blogging was just another form of vanity. A new sort of mirror-polishing by folks who really want to scream "LOOK AT ME!! I'M IMPORTANT DAMMIT!!" Anybody who thinks they know me might think I fell into that category; that I had the biggest ego east of the Mississippi. In truth, the people who really know me know that I am actually a shy and private person who thinks he is probably the least interesting person on the planet and that the big personality is really just a facade; a mask to help my shy self get out in the world and mingle.

So, why the blog then?

Well, it started with my friend Don Young's blog "The Book of Don" http://don4422.blogspot.com/ in which he contrasts snippets of his journal from the late '70s and early '80s with his life experiences now 25-30 years later and gives an interesting insider's view into the world of radio (then) and TV (now) production. The blog is fascinating to me firstly because I became a fan of "Morningside" just about the time he is writing about, secondly because I am now inching my way into television production (out of TV sound recording) so it's an interesting map of the minefield ahead of me and lastly because I consider Don a friend and a helluva fella.

And I've always wanted to keep a journal.

I've made a few starts over the years but they always seem to peter out after a few entries. I always wondered why? I've never been that "introspective" per se ('brooding' would come closer to the truth) so keeping a journal to record deep feelings wouldn't work because I'm not consciously in touch with those. Recording day to day events doesn't work either because I regard everything happening as just happening. Can ya dig? Not really worth recording. Maybe I'm too much in the moment but all the journal entries ended up saying variations of "Nothing much happened today"

Reading a few blogs though, I get the sense that even though events were (or seemed) unimportant at the time they formed part of a bigger picture just as each thread by itself isn't much but woven together they make a tapestry that tells a bigger picture. (OK, I can get deep sometimes)

So then, what happened today? Let's start with last night. I got the bad news that a pitch I have been working on just got kicked back by the broadcaster with a basic form letter. This is the second rejection for the idea but we really thought that it was tailor-made for them. It seemed to fit almost all of their submission criteria. Oh well, back to the old drawing board. Now we (that is me and the producers I've partnered with) have to put our heads together and come up with a new target. I'm opposed to just taking the 'shotgun' approach to pitching (shoot at everyone and someone is bound to bleed a bit) because I think if the pitcher-broadcaster relationship is more 'simpatico' then the production process is likely to be smoother (but what do I know, I've never produced anything in my life except a 5-minute tourism video for the City of Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada and some Halloween shorts for a community cable channel) All I can hope for is that the wall I'm banging my head against isn't too hard. I've got lots more ideas that they can reject if they want...

Today I spent a day tying up some stuff for a Ringette Tournament that I am organizing in February. Don't know what ringette is? click http://www.ringette.ca/Content/About/OurSport/AboutRingette.asp and see. I play goal for the local women's Open Rec team as a guest, I'm male... duh they just don't have enough goalies and I like playing goal so it's a good fit. Truth is they generally kick my butt every Wednesday but I must confess that I like ringette better than I like hockey. I've played both and while both may look similar on the surface there are a number of rules differences that make ringette faster and vastly more strategic than hockey. It's no wonder that ringette is primarily a female (team-oriented, strategic) dominated game and hockey is primarily a male (individualistic, brute-force) dominated one.

This afternoon I baked bread. I usually bake white bread but this time I got everything together and discovered that the bag of flour in the cupboard was whole wheat for some reason (perhaps I made a mistake at the store) Thank God for the internet, I just jumped on and looked up a handy recipe. Luckily I had molasses . It isn't that great to be honest but definitely edible. It was great warm with scads of butter and a pinch of salt sprinkled on the slice (I've always eaten bread and butter with salt, doesn't everybody? Apparently not because I get some very weird looks...) *Ahem*

Now I have to go clean the kitchen.